Most mothers neglect themselves trying to give “the best” to
their children at the expense of developing their own skills.
I was privileged that my “husband” then did not mind me
going back to school after giving birth to our first child. I was employed as a Production
Assistant earning an average wage but I really wanted to become a
journalist. Everyday after work I
would go to college.
It was not easy spending the whole day away from my son, and
milk building-up. I would carry
with me a breast pump and feeding bottles inside a cooler bag. Every three hours I would wash and
sanitize my hands, lock my office and pump out some milk so that I could relax
and concentrate with work. I
continued like that for over a year and a-half.
Our best friend’s wife was a receptionist, she gave birth to
a baby girl three months earlier.
The lady resigned because she wanted to take care of the baby because
she could not trust anyone to do a better job. That time I left my child with a maid.
Reading mature women magazines like True Love, Destiny and
other parenting books have opened my eyes to better understand what “giving
your best” mean. The best any
parent can give to their children is not just material things but also giving
them time, showing them how to do things, getting involved in their school
activities and allowing them to do things on their own.
The friend who resigned after giving birth tried looking for
a job three years later and it was not easy. She then got pregnant again this time she had twins and all
girls. It was even more difficult
for her to think of employing two people to take care of the kids. Her life was now confined at home; she
stopped going to the salon regularly and hardly thought of buying herself
clothes.
Seven years down the line we had two sons and they had three
daughters. It was now in
2007. My husband then left the
country when our first son was in grade one and their daughter was also in
grade one as well. Our marriage
did not workout because of the distance between us that lead to him marrying
someone where he was. Our friends
decided to go together to Botswana in search of employment and they settled
there.
I managed to keep afloat for at least two years paying all
my bills, paying the maid and buying food. I graduated with a Diploma in Communication and Journalism
and got a job at the National Broadcaster. I managed to fend for my children because I had a job. Although I had to leave the country for
a while my heart was always in thinking of my children and it was not easy to
settle back home with them as a family.
The friend who had gone to Botswana had problems securing
work permit. The husband decided
to send the wife and kids back into the country in 2012. He sends money on a regular basis but
the wife is always complaining that it is not enough. Their eldest daughter is now grade seven at a boarding
school and the twins are now grade three at a private school where they are
fetched by buss every day to school and back home. The husband comes home
during school holidays to pay school fees and see the kids.
Two years ago our friend suffered a stroke because she
discovered that her husband had a child in Botswana. She confronted him and he confirmed that he had a child and
was expecting another one. He is
now officially married facilitate his work permit. She could not believe it. Their relationship is now centered on the kids and their
wellbeing.
Over the last thirteen years life was good for my friend and
she had everything a wife needed from a husband. She relaxed in the cover of being a perfect wife and
mother. Her decision to resign
haunts her day and night, only if she knew she would have kept her job and
advanced her skill.
It is important for every woman never to neglect herself
because she is trying to give the kids her best. Personal development should be an ongoing process to ensure
a better future not only for herself but for her children as well. I have learnt that the more a person
reads and study the better the person becomes in making decisions and in being
competitive in the job market.
In as much as sending children to expensive schools is
concerned, I think it is a question of resource availability. If resources permit, give your child
the best chance to pass.
The end of 2012 one of my brothers sat for ordinary level
exams together with other children in the country. Some of the students who sat for the same exams were in
boarding schools where they pay nearly nine times what he was paying as a day
scholar. My neighbors had children
who spent most of their lives in boarding schools seating those exams. It was surprising to hear that the day
scholar passed nine out of the ten subjects he wrote while the majority of
boarders failed to get five ordinary level-passes.
Spending a lot of money on a child does not guarantee
him/her passing exams, but increases their chance of passing if the children
take the learning process seriously.
On the other hand if a child is at home and taking their studies
seriously with the right material and coaching they can make it.
We have created a learning environment at home to encourage
everyone to read and do his or her homework. I seat with my sons and brothers reading and at times
helping my younger son who is eight do his homework. We mean business with education. I have not stopped studying because I have a better paying
job, no. I want to understand
better the business of media and to run a station because I would not want to
seat and Edit someone’s story in my old age, I want to manage the
establishment.
